I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
