i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
