chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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