I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
