I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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