But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
