1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
