she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
