dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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