well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
