did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
