if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
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we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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