Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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