The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
