So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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