Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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