so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
