I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
