Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
