we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
