she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
