Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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