3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The best revenge is premature balding
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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