maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
