Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
