Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
