Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A bitchslap is in order.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
