oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
