3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
