my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
