i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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