Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sext me about skeletons
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
