3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
