I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
