Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
