Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
