just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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