Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
