You're my little dorito
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Omg I joined a choir last night...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
