Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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