yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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