i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
