i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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