he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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