Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
