I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize