I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize