Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
