That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
