Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
