worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
