just tell him i said nine months
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
