When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
