But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
