hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
