She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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