forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
