Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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