I am in a vortex of obligation.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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