I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
