I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
