so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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