also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
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The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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