I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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