I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
