I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize