my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I supernannyed him into submission
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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