I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
