i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
