You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
