i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
should my penis look like a turkey
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
