I got chris browned last night
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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