i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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