You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
