I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
