We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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