He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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