People with herpes should wear stickers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
