MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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